Wait a Second—Where’s the Father?!

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I recently wrote about this teacher in Texas who was fired from a Christian school for pregnancy out-of-wedlock. I was so focused on her situation that I totally missed this question!  A lot of people are upset at this school, but where is FATHER??

We are only left to wonder about him. It took two to make that baby. If he were in her life, wouldn’t he have been on the video supporting and defending her? Wouldn’t there have been some mention of him? Instead, there is just a lawyer. If the father had been a man of integrity, wouldn’t he have done the right thing and married her, committing to her and the family he chose to create with her?

But he is totally missing.

Why get married anyway, though? Since the divorce rate floats around 50%, chances are they would just get separated anyway. Why bother? But the point of marriage, a Christian one at any rate, isn’t to just get married so you can then do whatever you feel like doing. The idea is to commit, first to God and then to your partner. When I say commit, I mean constrain. When I constrain myself to God’s commands, I am not committing to just following a bunch of rules, like I’m in a prison. It is faithfully committing to the total truth of the Bible, trusting that it will lead to abundant life.

For instance, when God says, “Love is patient,” He means that when I am not patient, I do not love, and therefore I am wrong. No excuses. When I am impatient, I need to recognize that something is wrong in my heart, and it usually involves selfishness. What if I’m just tired? Is that an excuse to be impatient? Does it take away the hurt from impatient words? Do I get to say, “Yeah, I just lost my temper, but I’m tired”? As a Christian, no.

Impatience is always wrong. Unkindness is always wrong. Lust is always wrong. Hate is always wrong. And so on. It is very important for my wife to see me recognize my own sin, admit that I was wrong, and ask for forgiveness to reconcile the relationship. It builds trust and depth to our marriage bonds as I do this and see the same in her. As Christians, when faced with our imperfections, we don’t get to say “everyone has different interpretations” or “I didn’t do anything wrong.” No, for God says:

If we say, “We have no sin,” we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (1 Jn 1:8)

If truth isn’t in you, why get married? It really does become a toss-up. This is why so many marriages end, and so many don’t even try, in my opinion. This is why children need to see their teachers and role models following and obeying God, not adopting our culture’s moral relativism or making excuses.

Where is this father? Is he saying, as he left Samford alone and pregnant, “I didn’t do anything wrong?”

As for the Christian school, I do wonder if they could have extended her benefits until the baby’s birth. The story says she disclosed her pregnancy in the fall and was fired, I assume in the fall. It is now April. Perhaps her benefits were extended six months? Usually you can do something like that for a monthly fee. I don’t think we are getting the full story on that.

As for the father, he may be there in the background somewhere. The reporters may have left him out for whatever reason.  Even so, I do think this post applies to our culture in general.

She Did Nothing Wrong?

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I came across this article today, and the headline and first paragraph hooked me:

Former coach of the year fired from Christian school for out-of-wedlock pregnancy

 “In an incredibly bizarre situation that appears headed for a legal challenge, a Dallas-area volleyball coach and science teacher was fired by the Christian school at which she worked for becoming pregnant before being married.” (Emphasis mine)

The problem with this woman isn’t that she got pregnant out-of-wedlock. That is secondary, in my opinion. That she broke the school moral code is also secondary. The real problem is that she thinks she “did nothing wrong.” That’s why this sports writer describes the situation “incredibly bizarre.” I mean, what is wrong with doing what everyone else does?

In her own words she said:

“I looked it up and thought, ‘They can’t do this,'” the 29-year-old Samford told WFAA. “We all have different views and interpretations. It’s not necessarily the Christian thing to do to throw somebody aside because of those.”

This is the post-modern relativistic ideas that this teacher has been and would continue to stamp into the minds of all the children at that Christian school. If she would have kept her job, all the children would have learned that it is ok to have sex outside of marriage, to not wait for a faithful marriage partner, that it is ok to disagree with and not follow God’s commands. But the truth is, sexual immorality, impurity, pornography, text “sexting”, and the like is assaulting teens and children and destroying lives. Can we afford to let them think “I did nothing wrong”? No thanks!

Whoah! I just realized that I have totally been judging this woman! Jesus tells me not to judge, right? …but wait, He actually says:

1 “Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged. 2 For with the judgment you use, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the log in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a log in your eye? 5 Hypocrite! First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (Mt 7: 1-5)

Oh, so He is saying don’t be a hypocrite. Look at myself first; judge myself, then help my brother out with his speck…which requires a measure of judgement. But surely it is wrong to judge! Nobody is supposed to judge anybody—that is God’s job!

9 I wrote to you in a letter not to associate with sexually immoral people. 10 I did not mean the immoral people of this world or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters; otherwise you would have to leave the world. 11 But now I am writing you not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer who is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or verbally abusive, a drunkard or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person. 12 For what business is it of mine to judge outsiders? Don’t you judge those who are inside? 13 But God judges outsiders. Put away the evil person from among yourselves.(Cor 5: 9-13)

Paul writes here clearly about judging. Christians are not to judge those outside the church, but those that are (or call themselves) Christians. Post-modern relativism doesn’t hold up against the Bible, but I hear the “don’t judge” mantras all the time from people. I think it is this very attitude leads to the incredibly bizarre situation of teachers appointed to Christian classrooms who do not have a clue as to their God appointed duty to train our children in God’s divine way.

I also think it bizarre that this “coach of the year” can find nothing wrong with herself. I go with my daughter to her basketball practices and they pick those girls apart, find their weakness and help them improve. Since Samford clearly has no Christian moral compass, I doubt she can seriously guide her players and students spiritually.

In the end, it is sad that this mother will most likely get buried in medical bills. She really doesn’t have a case against the school. But if she could have had even an ounce of humility, and could have even just whispered the phrase, “I was wrong,” perhaps she would be in a better situation. Perhaps the administration would have just put her on probation. Perhaps she could have share with the students what she did wrong and what she was going to do to fix it. It could have been an incredible story of grace, but that would have required some kind of acknowledgement other than “I did nothing wrong.”